


who tells your story?

by ofthesun



Series: endings are always bittersweet, but this one left a bad taste in my mouth [1]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Gen, Heidi Hansen Is A Good Mom, Suicidal Thoughts, Therapy (mentioned)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-20
Updated: 2017-07-20
Packaged: 2018-12-04 22:00:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11564193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ofthesun/pseuds/ofthesun
Summary: Heidi grapples with figuring out the best way to handle her son's struggles.





	who tells your story?

**Author's Note:**

> This is part of my July song ficlet project, in which I took [the last lines of my top ten albums on last.fm](https://www.last.fm/user/lxllabies/library/albums?date_preset=ALL_TIME) and wrote ficlets inspired by them. This one is from [the Hamilton Original Broadway Cast Recording](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jyg3Lo_-Ep8).
> 
> Warning for discussion of suicidal thoughts.

Heidi sits down at the kitchen table, running her hands over her face. She's taken the day off of work, now early afternoon, a cup of rapidly cooling coffee on the table in front of her. She doesn't know what to do. Evan will be home in two hours and she has no idea what to say, what to do, how to handle it.

"Evan said some, uh, concerning things in our session today," the therapist had said, not meeting her eyes. Heidi glanced behind where he stood, through the window in the door, where Evan sat, hunched over in a chair in the waiting room, fidgeting and shaking. She looked back to the therapist, raising an eyebrow.

"What'd he say?"

"Our topic today was memory, and Evan- Evan talked about how he thinks he wouldn't be remembered by anyone if he died," he explained, in a hushed tone, "He doesn't think he has a place in anyone's memory. Thinks it wouldn't matter if he just disappeared." Heidi had nodded grimly, thanking him for the session, and going back to the lobby, plastering a smile on for Evan. She took Evan out for lunch, a luxury they really couldn't afford, but she wasn't really sure what to do, after what she'd just heard.

Which brings her here. Where she still doesn't know what to do.

What can she really do? If she brings it up to him, he'll know the therapist told her about it, and he won't trust her or his therapist after that, which would be ultimately worse. If she doesn't bring it up, there's no way of knowing how he's feeling and if he's in a safe situation. There's not really a best option in this situation, and worse, there's not a guide or a rule she can follow. There's no instructions for handling a potentially suicidal teenager who barely tells her anything to begin with.

The coffee cools to an uncomfortably low temperature, too cold to drink, and Heidi dumps it out in the sink as she hears the front door click around, signalling Evan's arrival at home. She hears Evan drop his backpack on the floor of the entry hall of their house with a thud before he pads into the kitchen.

"Mom?" he startles, stopping in his tracks, "What are you doing home?"

"Hospital was quiet today, they sent me home early," Heidi fibs, sitting back down in her seat at the table. Evan nods cautiously before walking through the door of the kitchen, slower and quieter now. As soon as she hears the door to his room click shut, she lets out a breath.

Maybe she'll figure out how to bring it up by dinner.


End file.
